Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
