what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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