And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
