I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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