We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
