worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize