I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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