chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
