So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
