That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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