the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
