I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
