why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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