not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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