So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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