I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
