you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
