they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
