so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
