we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
