i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
