My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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