Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
