Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
