Is it because I queefed?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
