some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
