and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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