I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Plan B is the new Plan A
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
