I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
