Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
