WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
