don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think people are normalizing furries
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize