Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize