Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
