the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
