Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
