i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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