have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
