i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
