She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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