is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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