hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
