i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
