I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
