2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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