i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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