Hey man sorry I got all grabby
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
