I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
