Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
