He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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