people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
