By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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