finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
