the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
