you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize