I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it glows. i had to have it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
