just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
