You smell like a Billy Joel song
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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