Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
