Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
