Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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