I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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