she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
