Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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